Mr. First-Love, Time to date, Time to wait.

I first received the infamous "TALK" when I was 7, nearly 8 years old. I remember sitting at the breakfast table at our old house in Minnesota with my sister Katy. Emily, the third girl in our clan, had just been born. I, in my normal blunt way, expressed that I never wanted to get married.

"Why?" my mom asked.
"Because when you get married, you have kids."

My mom laughed and said, well it doesn't work quite like that. It's not so automatic. You get married, and then you can choose to have kids.

I was confused.

"But you and dad got married...and then you had kids! Marriage= kids. And I don't want kids...so no marriage"
 "No... you have kids after you are more physical with each other. Like hugging, but more."
"I'm going to have kids if I HUG someone?!?!?"

And, per my usual self, I wouldn't let it go. This ended with my mom taking me privately into my room with a book (probably "How to talk to your kids about the birds and the bees" but I'm not quite sure). There she proceeded to tell me how men and women make babies. I was disgusted.

"So this is how you and dad got me?"
"Yep."
"And Katy?"
"And Katy."
"And Emily?"
"Right."
"Can't you stop! I never want to have kids. And I DEFINITELY never want do THAT. SO GROSS!"

And that was that.  Seven years later I was fifteen, and apparently not much had changed. My parents had a rule in our household: no dating until you are sixteen. I was due to be sixteen in nine months, which wasn't satisfying my current huge crush on Mr. First-Love.

He and I had escalated from talking occasionally at youth group, to talking quite frequently on AOL messenger (via dial-up, pre WIFI days!), and he had begun to call me at home. He had called me at home, like usual, and we discussed our day, had a few silly conversations, and he mentioned that he was attending a youth group event (not with our church) which was a sort of all-nighter. The group was meeting together for a hay-ride, spending time playing games together, and ending with the girls spending the night at a lady's house (from the group) while the guys would stay with a guy from the group. I pleaded with my mom to allow me to go, but she saw that it seemed to be an excuse to get around our "dating rule." She also mentioned that since she didn't know that group, it hardly seemed appropriate. I interpreted this to mean she didn't trust me. In a moment of rebellion and angst, I shouted at her "MOM I don't know if I EVER want to be intimate with a guy...I'm surely NOT going to start NOW!!" ...the idea of physical intimacy still kinda freaked me out...apparently not much had changed after all!

Needless to say, that did not change her mind. I can't remember the outcome, but I was probably grounded. Wouldn't surprise me. Not an uncommon consequence for me during my teenage years.

Mr. First-Love and I continued to talk quite frequently through the next few months. If I remember correctly, he may have had some other lady interests as well during that time, but we both mutually liked each other a lot. And the day that I would become "available" (i.e., allowed to date) was fast-approaching.

Come February, one month before I was to turn sixteen, my youth group and I attended a nation-wide event called "Acquire the Fire." You may have heard of it, I think they are still doing tours/events throughout the year. The event consisted of a few bible messages, dramas, videos, and worship time. One of the speakers was talking about putting God first above everything.

My teen years (in fact around this time) were the first time I REALLY began to drink in God's Word and desire to live for him, so this message gripped me quite well. The speaker was encouraging us all to read God's word, pray, and make sure we didn't let our other interests and desires distract us. One of the main distractions he was focusing on, was relationships. Not only could they be distracting in possibly leading to physical impurity, they also distracted us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from focusing on God. He had us open our program books to a certificate with a challenge attached. He challenged everyone in the room, all of the thousands of teenagers, to consider "dating only God" for a year, and abstaining from any romantic relationships.

Side bar: Years after all of this took place, I began to wonder if such a challenge was really wise. On one hand, I can understand why this could be helpful- a sort of "fast" from dating, if you will. On the other side of things, it gives the general impression (at least it did to me) that there is something inherently "wrong" with relationships (dating , courting, whatever you'd like to call it). It also indicated that if you don't date, you will grow closer to God. I also struggled a lot during those years with thinking if anything distracted you from God, you needed to cut it out. However, if I really did that, I'd be likely living in a cave on my own with no food, friends, or possessions (well maybe an iphone...but probably not). I have come to believe that it's not a question of whether the "things themselves" are inherently bad, but instead a question of whether they are used to glorify God. Perhaps that's the message the speaker was trying to get at, what do you think- is this a good idea or bad?

Side bar over, back to the story.

So the speaker instructed us all to close our eyes and pray about it. And if we felt that God really wanted us to take this year off of dating, and spend it with him instead, we should quietly stand. 90% of the room stood, and we all opened our eyes. I was one of the people standing. I looked over and saw Mr. First-Love; he was standing too. Well, so much for that. One month before I turned sixteen...and now we have to wait another year?

But the story isn't finished yet. Ten more comments and I will continue!!!