Sorry New York, it's not you- it's me...

As I said, things were going well, I was (so I thought) walking close with God, making friends, and trying to grow in ministry.

The week for youth camp was approaching, but I was unable to get it off from my part-time job. Since I was planning to stay beyond the summer, I didn't want to cause a ruckus at my job, and the pastor had previously informed me that the youth camp was optional so I declined to attend.

The second week of August, I had to move out of the house I had been living in, since they were expecting family guests to arrive. I couldn't move in with the Nelsons for another week, so I was asked to live with another lady named Cherice, for the interim week. Cherice lived alone in an apartment not far from where I had been staying. She was a nice enough person, but I got the impression she didn't like me. I didn't attend the Eastwater campus with her, so I didn't know her very well. I tried to get to know her a bit, but she was usually quite short with me in conversations, so I gave up.

Five days went by, and I came home from work one afternoon (after having virtually no sleep the night before). Cherice told me the pastor had called for me, and handed me her landline phone. Although exhausted, I called the pastor who promptly told me that a secret elder's meeting had just taken place. Cherice had called the pastor and expressed that she felt I was a terrible room mate and shouldn't be allowed to live with the Nelsons. In response, the pastor and the elders had a meeting and decided that they agreed. He told me that I was not allowed to live with them and I should make other plans. It was pretty clear that they were hoping I would leave New York. I hung up the phone in absolute shock. I didn't know how to feel... I just felt as though I was falling. I was confused, perplexed, mystified, hurt, sad, and a whole plethora of emotions. I left the room in tears and asked Cherice to talk to me. I could barely get her to talk to me, but she essentially surmised that I was not the kind of person they wanted to do ministry at their church.

To her credit, she tried to help me apply to a christian university in New York, so I could continue my counseling degree plan in NY.  But when I thought about it, I realized that I still had acceptance at the university from my my previous university's counseling program. I figured it was logical to just leave, especially since it was clear people wanted me to do so. I figured I could transfer with my job, and leave as soon as possible. Some friends from the university offered to let me stay with them until I found a place to live, but the offer wasn't available for two more weeks. I told Cherice that I was going to put in for transfer at my job and move back to Michigan. I told her I had a place to stay in two weeks, and she concurred that it was the best course of action for me.

That evening I met up with the friends I had made at the beginning of the summer (from the church). They expressed disapproval over the church's actions, and also advised me on how I might have better handled the situation. They were very encouraging and helpful, comforting me. When I got back to Cherice's that night, I found a note waiting for me. Unsurprised, I read the note which stated she had called the pastor and they had mutually agreed that I was no longer welcome to live with her. I was expected to vacate by the next day. So there I was, abandoned by the church because I was not "suitable"- didn't have the right personality, wasn't family-oriented enough, and the very church who accused me of these things was throwing me out on the street for two weeks.

I had made a few friends at Barnes and Noble in Manhattan, so I contacted a few of them. My friend (nonchristian friend) Betty offered to let me stay with her in Manhattan for the two weeks. She already had another mutual friend of ours, Jared, sleeping on her couch. She told me that she also had a cot if I didn't mind. I gladly accepted the offer, and moved to Manhattan the next day.

These were the most confusing and depressing days of my life. I had grown up wanting to do ministry. Before I arrived in New York I had grown a lot socially and spiritually. I had never felt closer to God before. And there I was, wanting to be accepted by a church who was very "family oriented" who had, for all intent & purposes, thrown me out. And there I was, living by the hospitality of an atheist and an agnostic.

These events caused my life to take a drastic turn. I moved back to Michigan, fell into a whirlwind of depression, changed my career-course, and finally left the country. But before I go into that, the New York experience gave me a better understanding of myself, and helped understand myself and understand how God had made me. For that, I go back to the beginning- 2002, age 15.
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