No dating for a year, unless you fall in love.

Recap: Mr. First-Love and I were fast approaching my sweet sixteen, allowing me to FINALLY date him. But, alas- we both signed a "vow" at a youth conference where we declared an intention to only date God for a year.

So there it was. No relationship, not going to happen. At least not any time soon. I can't speak for him, but I know that in my mind I was hoping that we would both wait for each other through the year. After all, we had waited this long, right?

As a youth group, we were asked by our church to give a short presentation about our experiences at the youth conference. Each of us were asked if we were willing to say a few words at the beginning or end of a Sunday morning service. I'm not too keen on public-speaking, but I reluctantly agreed.

Then came that Sunday morning... I may have been the last to speak, I can't recall. But I certainly wasn't the first. The wait was horrifying, it reminded me of high school class when we were required to give a presentation. It was always best to go first, because if you were last you had to wait through everyone else's presentation in complete anxiety. Also, as time wore on, speakers were expected to improve, since they were privy to all of the constructive criticism given to previous speakers.

I listened as each of my friends gave their speech, and then it was my turn. I walked up to the microphone and explained my vow to "not date" for a year. I brought the story back to a day in December when I was working at Dairy Queen and saw one of my co-workers reading the well-known book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." I was intrigued and began to read it myself. In the book the author Joshua Harris told the story of his singleness, and gave encouragement to other young singles to serve God while they "waited" for marriage. One of the main points he set forth, was the idea that dating should not be embarked upon, until the possibility of marriage is in the horizon. Otherwise, what's the point?

Then I explained to the church how I had gone to the winter camp youth retreat a few weeks later, and heard a chapel speaker preach about a similar subject. The gist of his sermon was that idols are all over the place, and can easily distract us from seeking God with our whole hearts. He encouraged us all to "put off our idols" and seek God instead- he specifically mentioned a few idols that are common in young people our age~ gaming, friends, and boyfriends/girlfriends.

That was the second time I had felt as though I should not be dating anytime soon, but I was far too interested in Mr. First-Love to seriously consider it. The final time, was at the Acquire the Fire conference. At this conference, I explained, we were all encouraged to stand and take a vow to abstain from "dating" for an entire year. I had participated in this promise and I asked the church to pray for, support me, and hold me accountable in this area.

This "speech" that I gave is recorded somewhere, I wish I could find it, If I do, I will post it :)

So Mr. First-Love and I waited the entire year, just devoting ourselves to the Lord every single day, and a year later rode off into the sunset together, content with our strong discipline and patience.

Kidding.

Unfortunately, our "youthful affections" did not submit to our promise to only date God for a year. As soon as I turned 16, Mr. First-Love and I found ways to spend time together without calling it "dating." In fact, we never did "date" or even go on a real date, strictly-speaking. But we eagerly searched for loop holes.

Around this time, Mr. First-Love invited a new friend to attend our youth group meetings. We'll call him Mr. Minnesota-Nice. Where does this name come from, you ask? Well, even if you didn't- I'll tell you. Mr. Minnesota-Nice and I had a disagreement one afternoon where he ADAMENTLY asserted that people in Minnesota are known for their niceties. He ascertained that Minnesota drivers, shoppers, and neighbors are generally friendly people. I thought this was an absurd notion. While people in smaller cities/towns may come across as "nicer," people in Minnesota, especially Minneapolis (I argued), would NOT fit that bill. But to be fair, if anyone would fit the description of "Minnesota Nice," Mr. MN-Nice would qualify. While he was a bit ignorant and dubious at times, I can't recall that he ever did or said an unkind thing toward me. But more on him later.

This friend of Mr First-Love became our "golden ticket" to dating. I quickly became friends with Mr. MN-Nice, and he, Mr. First-Love, and I spent day after day "hanging out." And by "hanging out" it generally consisted of Mr. First-Love and I being "ooey gooey" with each other, acting completely like a couple, while Mr. MN-Nice was the obvious third wheel. We would even use Mr. MN-Nice's house as our "hang out point."

Mr. First-Love and I kept this going for a few months. One time we were being ooey gooey in front of another friend, and she referred to us as a couple. We denied being a couple (after all, we had made a promise not to do that for a year), and then we were asked about our behavior. After all, it did seem VERY "couple-ish."Mr. First-Love defended our behavior, asserting that it was okay because "we were in love."

However, this "love" wasn't very long-lasting. The next summer all things would come to an end on a youth group trip to Mexico.

Rabbit trail: I want to take a moment before moving onto the next entry, to spark a bit of conversation. What do you all think about the idea of taking a year off of dating? Wise? Unwise? Just asking for trouble? I've always found that if we think we "Can't" have something. It makes us want it all the more. I wonder if I hadn't signed that contract, whether Mr. First-Love and I would have desired to date so badly anyway. Of course, the fault is sinfulness, that's just the way we are as humans- constantly after idols.

That leads to my next question- should we really "cut ourselves off" from anything that becomes an idol? I mentioned in my previous entry that if I really tried to cut myself off from every idol, I would probably find myself in a cave with nothing. We, as people, have hearts that are "idol factories", as John Calvin put it. However, can this be taken too far? Should the potential for something to become an idol be grounds for us to renounce it? How do we do so without branching into asceticism?